I have a clean house.
I’m the kind person who habitually organizes toys, re-fluffs pillows, and empties those pesky toaster crumbs wayyy more often than necessary. My hubby knows that one of my top love languages is “A Clean Kitchen.” Flowers, gifts, or romantic dates are nice, but mainly I want the kitchen to be sparkling when I wake up in the morning! 😉 I also enjoy decorating and making our home inviting and warm. Being in a tidy, organized, and beautiful space both relaxes and inspires me.
But friends, my heart is messy.
I have a clean house, but trust me, I don’t whistle princess-style while I work. I’m organized, but I’m also easily overwhelmed by to-do lists. I love being a hostess, but I’m exhausted by social gatherings and need quiet time to recover. Some days I’m in control of my emotions; some days they hold me captive. I’ve always wanted to be a homemaker and stay-at-home-mom, but I’m not as patient or kind as I want to be. Anxiety is my persistent companion, and although I’m getting better at silencing him, he still lurks around and lashes out.
It is so easy to look at that mom at the grocery store or that wife at church and think, “She has it together.” Even though we know that everyone has struggles, we subconsciously project happiness and peace onto everyone around us, thinking that their lives are simple, while ours is a wreck.
Do people look at my clean house and think that I have it all together? They might. Keeping a kitchen spotless or a budget organized seems overwhelming to many people. As a Type-A homebody, I find that cleaning and organizing come naturally to me. But I idolize many other traits. People who are unplagued by anxiety, who are spontaneous, who are able to “enjoy the moment,” or who are easygoing all seem, to me, to have it all together. Isn’t it crazy (and unfortunate) that we’re all looking at each other thinking “She has life figured out,” when we should be looking at the One who really does have it figured out?
I love sharing home inspiration and DIY projects. Expressing myself through creativity, be it through decorating, writing, or calligraphy, brings me joy and makes me feel like I’m doing what God created me for. I want to pursue these things because I think they reflect part of His character, and I want to give Him all the glory.
But I want you to know that I don’t have it all together. That I have plenty more issues that I don’t necessarily want to share on the internet 😉 That if you are feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or anxious today, be encouraged, because you are not alone. In fact, the more I force myself to share my fears and struggles, the more people tell me, “Me too!” And sometimes, those two words mean the world.
So, yes, my house is clean, but I’m a mess.
Thankfully the story doesn’t end there, because we have a mighty and compassionate God who sees all of our messes (even the ones we’re hiding) and loves us the same, who sent Jesus to eradicate the clutter and wreckage in our souls once and for all. And even if we never get our messes cleaned up in this lifetime, whatever they are, someday we will be free from them when we see His face. I wouldn’t be able to face my “messes” without that hope!
Life on this broken earth is messy. I share beautiful photos because God is beautiful, and I hope that in some tiny way my creativity mirrors His beauty. But I will also keep sharing my messy heart, because this blog isn’t about me being perfect. It’s about shining brightly for Him in the midst of my messiness.